Reflection...

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and my heart overflows with love, joy and gratitude to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for the gift of my precious children. I am blessed among the blessed.
I think about the long journey I traveled to come to this point. Years and years of heartache and disappointment. My faith tested to the point of breaking... at times I was hanging on by a thin, frayed thread... my journey to becoming a Mother took me through barren deserts and into pits of despair... it led me to the throne of the King of Kings broken... no words, only gut wrenching sobs expressing the depth of my sorrow as my spirit cried out to my God, "Why, Lord, Why?" So often feeling like God had abandoned me, forsaken me, was punishing me... and through it all Jesus was there... holding me in His arms, giving me comfort, His grace getting me through each day, each year... carrying me when I was too weak to take the next step... He was there... Whispering to my heart... "Be still and know that I am God." "I have a plan for you my little one, trust Me... I am faithful." And so He did and so He was and is and always will be... Faithful.. When I was 37 He blessed me with my first little miracle Nicholas Mikhail who was born in Russia and was 4 and a half. When I was 41 He blessed me with my second little miracle Hannah MeiLin who was born in China and was 10 months old...
So many Mother's days went by and my heart would break a little more. As hard as the wait was if I only would have held steadfast that my God would give me Beauty for Ashes and the Oil of Joy for Mourning... He is faithful... His plan for my life far exceeds my deepest heart's desires for my beautiful, precious, beloved children are more than I ever could have hoped for... they are beautiful and sweet, smart and funny, kind and generous, brave and forgiving, thoughtful and loving... and they are mine. God knew all along who my babies were. I do not deserve them but oh, how I thank Him for them.
This evening after I put Hannah to bed Nicholas and I enjoyed a wonderful time on the back patio. I am ashamed to say it has been a while since I have spent this kind of special time with my beautiful son. We sat in the chairs and we talked... we talked about Jesus and Heaven and what it will be like. We talked about how sometimes when you worship God He leads you before His throne and you are there... in His presence... I told him that this is a glimpse of Heaven. One day we will be there worshiping Jesus with all of the hosts of heaven and how sometimes God lets you catch a glimpse of His glory and how there is no higher place on earth. My little guy is amazing and he is so wise beyond his years. As we were talking and I gave him examples. I could tell... He got it! He truly understands so much that some adults spend there entire lives searching for... He knows Jesus...
Then he read me a Bible Story about Jeremiah and then I read him Daniel 3 and we talked about Shadrach, Meshack and Abed-Nego and how they would not bow down and worship the false God. How they said our God can save us if He chooses but even if He does not we will not worship your god... They trusted Him... no matter what, they choose God's will. And in the midst of the fire... there He was... the fourth Man in the fire, walking with them... I told Nicholas that sometimes God allows us to go through very difficult things so that He can be glorified... He gives us opportunities to grow in Him, to trust in Him, to accept His perfect will for us and to wittiness to others of who He is... of what He is... and that no matter how hard it gets, how painful it may be... He is there with us... He is in the fire with us... He will never forsake us...
And so I find myself on this Mother's Day eve in awe of My God... whose ways are not my ways... whose timing is not my timing but oh, how His timing is perfect. Who collected each tear I cried and who I am certain wept along with me as my heart was breaking, Who loved me enough not to give me my way but to hold out for His perfect plan for my life... Oh, how He must have wanted to take away my sorrow. How many times He must have whispered to my heart... "Hold on Daleea, hold on little one, the time is coming. Trust Me." And then when my precious children were ready He moved mountains, and brought us together. Thank You Jesus for my Nicholas Mikhail and my Hannah MeiLin, for all eternity I will thank You for the honor, privilege, and blessing of You entrusting me to be their Mommy... Thank You.
Lord, please comfort their birth Mothers on this day and each day. I pray You comfort them and heal their broken hearts. I pray You lead them to You for You are their hope and their refuge, their strength and their healing, You alone are their Savior... God please bless them and comfort them and help them to know how much our babies are loved...
Happy Mother's Day to all the Mammas who have had the blessing of holding their babies in their arms and Happy Mother's Day to all the Mammas who are only able to hold their babies in their hearts... Jesus is with You, He knows who your babies are and He is faithful.... one day they will be in your arms...
God's Speed...