Tomorrow....

Since I was a young girl I prayed for you... I yearned to hold you in my arms.... My heart ached to know if you would ever be.... there were times when I was so broken I felt that I could not go on, that I could not make it another day with out you in my life... without you in my arms... But God's timing is perfect. His grace is sufficient. He gave me the strength to carry on another day... to pray the same prayer another time... 37 years of waiting, of hoping, of needing, is longer than I can begin to share with you... His ways are not our ways... how thankful I am for this.... God's plan was so much more beautiful, so much more precious than anything I could have ever imagined or hoped for... He gave me beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning... He gave me you.....



Meeshka, you are my heart... you are my hopes, dreams, and prayers come true... When I held you in my arms for the first time... the pain, the sorrow, the years of desperation and heartbreak were washed away with the joy and wonder of you... you will never know how deeply and completely I love you. How proud I am of you. How you inspire me with your Wit, your charm, your humor and most of all with your kind, thoughtful and giving heart. In so many ways you are far beyond your years... You have a wisdom and empathy that comes only from surviving the harsh truths that are present in this world... Yes, my precious little man... you are my hero. I wish I could find the words to share with you how incredible you are... how extraordinary you are, how precious you are... Words to share with you how much I love you and how thankful and blessed I am for you. There are no words to suffice... no words to truly express... For eternity I will thank Jesus for you... I will pray for and thank your birth Mother for the gift of you. She is heavy on my heart this night... I pray she finds comfort in the peace of God... I pray your birth family are warm... that they have food to eat... and most of all I pray that they know and have the love of Jesus in their hearts... I pray that one day I will meet her in heaven and be able to embrace her and tell her face to face, "thank you". I know you are mine, my sweet Nicholas... you have always been and always will be.... but I will be forever grateful for the love, courage and strength of your birth mother for carrying you in her womb as I carried you in my heart... for giving life to you as I prayed that one day you would be born... for loving you enough to let you go so that you might live.... that you might have enough food in your tummy to live and grow... that one day you might be in your Mommy's arms... Yes, she is a part of you, just as I am...
I know you think Mom is funny... I can't help but get a little melancholy with each passing year... My beautiful baby boy is growing into an extraordinary young man... With each year you need me a little less and I find it so hard to let go and let you grow... But, I want you to know that I am so proud of you.... of the young man you are becoming... that Mom will always be here for you... and that even though tomorrow you will be 11 years old... you will always be my baby... you will always be the jewel of my heart... my answered prayer... my little miracle... you are my beloved son and oh how I thank God for you and as hard as it is to let go of the little guy you were.... I eagerly anticipate seeing the man you are to become... and all that God has planed for your life.... both for you and to work through you for His kingdom.... you make the world a better place... You, my Meeshka are a shining star....
Happy Birthday my heart... I love you,
Mom