I would like to award the Nobel Peace Prize too......

the makers of Dum Dum suckers.... it's true.... my little Pearl has just had a major melt down that just kept firing up everytime I got her quieted.... alas... I decided to for go the thought of her falling asleep in my arms and gaver her a dum dum sucker!  Hooray!  My little one is at peace now.....  So many things I want to write down so I don't loose them so this will be a bunch of ramblings..... but it is so I don't forget...
Yesterday when I asked her for a kiss she gave me a hug.... twice!!!!!  They were big bear hugs too!
This morning she woke up slow.... as seems to be her custum... about an hour before she is up and about.  I went to cuddle with her but she did not want me and turned from me.  A few more minutes and she would let me gently stroke her back..... a while later and a few tickles and she giglged.... it seems my brokenhearted Pearl has much healing to do and each day we begin a new.... the good news is that this morning she went for her shoes and chose her new pink ones we bought her yesterday and not the gray ones from her orphanage... this was huge on her part as she is very possesive and holds tightly to everything... how can one blame her... no doubt she was not able to keep anything in the orphanage and now even that has been torn away from her..... Thank God children are resilliant..... I just can't imagine.  At times I start to feel a little sad, scared and lonely being so far from Jeremy and the kids and then I think of my Bella and how she has never had us.....never really had anyone to count on, to be there for her and then I buck up and thank God that I am here for her and with her and thank Him that soon we will be home.... our family all together...... Thank You Jesus that we will be going home to Jeremy and the kids... thank You for not taking Him from us....
(I told you I was going to be rambling all over the place....)
Isabella woke up with a bad runny nose that indicate she has an infection and coughing like it had gone into her chest... but no fever thankfully and now it has cleared up a lot so I am hoping and praying the Lord is answering my prayer and healing her little body... I confess, I begged Him... she has been through so much and is going through so much to be sick on top of it....
She ate a lot at breakfast... sometimes she does really well and lets me feed her little bites or takes little bites herself... but sometimes she shoves so much into her tiny mouth I fear she is going to choke!  I know this is not uncommon, but it still breaks my heart....
I now know I made the right decision in not going to visit the orphanage... it has not been offered but if it is I will decline.  Sometimes you do something without thinking.... I was letting her look through pics that I have of her and she seemed so excited and would point at her and say, "ya Ya"  (this is what hannah called herself when she was a baby... very interesting and I can't help but wonder if it means ME or something in Mandarine.) anyway we were having a great time but a little later she discovered the candy bowl they have in the room with little wrapped lifesavers.  She grabbed them all and started looking for a pocket to stash them in... She was so proud of herself!  Well she went to put the candy, wrapper and into her mouth, so I took the candy away and she went into full melt down.... started with a tantrum, throwing her self on the floor so hard it scared me when she hit her head..... she did let me hold her which was huge.... but she only wanted me to stand... when I would sit down she would freak out more..... she kicked off her new pink shoes and I knew it was at me... as she pointed at the door..... I know there s a part of her that thinks she wants to go back.... how thankful I am that I know we will get through this together and that she will be able to trust and find that life with her family is good and where she belongs....  after on and off.... can't
remember all the details but she wanted her pink shoes back on and then she just started sobbing............... it was breaking my heart...... she was grieving so deeply that it just ripped out your heart... I thought, how could I have been so clueless to let her see those pics knowing it could trigger so much.....
well the good news is that after who knows how long, as much as I wanted her to be able to nap... I decided to pacify with a sucker.... it worked!  She is now on her 2nd one but it has brought her out of a very deep and dark place.... Mama and Daddy can deal with the temper tantrums much later....for now we must work towards mending her broken heart.....
she just smiled at me and it is beautiful..... she is beautiful....