Providence...

This is a story of two families and one precious child... This is a story of my Meeshka...

This is a story of God's divine providence...

They were a couple who had waited what felt a life time to hold their child in their arms... When she was a little girl she was a dreamer... so many things she wanted to do when she grew up but most dear to her heart was the dream of having her babies. Being an only child she always wanted a big family. Said she was going to have 9 children. She had always wanted to adopt one of her babies. Always knew she was going to have a little one out there somewhere waiting for her. The years passed and her heart broke a little more with each passing season. Still no baby. She grieved over the loss of her babies never conceived. She grieved over not having her babies that surely must be somewhere in the world wondering if their mama would ever come for them. At times she would almost panic, "What if I do get pregnant and my husband decides not to adopt, leaving my child out there somewhere... abandoned."

Her babies lived only in her heart. She would pray for them, she would talk to them, her arms ached to hold them. Even in the happy times, in the moments of laughter, her heart was breaking... she was a Mommy with out her child. She felt so helpless. Oh, how angry she would get at herself, at her broken body! Oh, how angry she would get at her husband. She was the reason they couldn't have children. He was the reason they didn't have children! This is what she told him after 9 years of marriage. Oh, how angry she would get at God. She would weep, as her heart shattered time and time again and beg God to answer her prayer. She would cry out to her God, "If you are not going to give me my babies then you HAVE to take away this desire... I am dying inside." And yet... another day would come, another year would pass and she continued to carry on... broken, crippled at times... but not willing to let go of the one thing that she had... Hope...

When she was 36 years old her husband said he was ready. They were going to begin the search for their child. He said in Lithuania, where his family is from... Her heart wanted to soar... but it cried out, "No! My child is in Russia!" But for one of the few times in her life she kept silent and trusted the Lord. She prayed... within a week her husband told her they were going to Russia. Her heart soared...

They didn't have the money to pay for the adoption. They knew the Lord would have to be the One to provide. Little by little, step by step they would be able to come up with just enough to pay for the next step. After almost a year filled with much stress, glitches, delay after delay for paperwork coming back incorrect and many, many tears, their paperwork was complete and sent to the country. Desperation set in... "Lord, please don't let them call us yet. We don't have the rest of the money. We are still thousands of dollars short. Please don't let them call us until You provide. Jesus, we need a miracle." It was a Saturday afternoon when the phone rang... it was their agency...

They were a family who loved the Lord. They had been blessed with two beautiful daughters and a successful career. The Lord had put a burden on their hearts to help the children who had been orphaned. To be able to make a difference for at least one child. They were going to adopt a child from Russia. They began the process in February. By Mother's day they were on a plane headed for Siberia to meet their child. After they met him they had to leave him there until the Russian government would allow them to return for him and bring him home. In June they were reunited and on June 6th they returned to America with the little boy. They loved him and their daughter's loved him but after 6 weeks together they knew in their hearts that he was not meant to be theirs. They didn't understand at the time what God's plan was in all of this. Their hearts were hurting. They were going to disrupt the adoption...

He was a little boy... with sandy brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. His smile could outshine the sun... but there wasn't that much sunshine at the orphanage in Siberia. He was cold, hungry and alone... He would later come to call the place where he spent the first 4 and a half years of his life, "The black house." The little boy endured more in the first years of his little life than most of us will in a life time. And yet, he had a heart that remained sweet, pure and giving... untainted by the dire circumstances of his reality.

Their agency told them about the little boy... it was such a surprise... their hearts broke for the little guy. They prayed for the Lord's guidance. Was this their son? They prayed the Lord would lead him to his real parents. They prayed the Lord would help them to know if it was them. Finally they gave the situation to the Lord and asked Him to open the doors if this was their son... They told their agency yes... Their agency emailed pictures of him... his referral pics and recent pics. They sat at the computer eagerly waiting to see their child's sweet face for the first time... The pictures wouldn't load but finally one came up... there he was...

She began sobbing... All she could say over and over was, "He's so beautiful... he's so beautiful..."

Inside she was saying, "That's him Lord, that's him! That's the little boy my heart has been so in love with all of these years." She always thought her heart would recognize her child but the emotion that overflowed from her heart far surpassed what she had anticipated.

On the plane to get their son, she was talking with Jesus. She was so thankful and excited to finally have her son but a little part of her was disappointed that they wouldn't get to go to Russia and find heirlooms for him and learn of his culture first hand. To see where he had been for the beginning of his life... to be able to answer more of his questions when he became older. "Lord, You could have provided anyway You choose... why did You choose this way."

She would have her answer a few years later... On September 5th 2006 she would have her answer...

On August 28th, 2002 five years ago today. I held my son in my arms for the first time... Jesus had blessed me with my little miracle... he was finally in my arms right where he belonged... He slept between his Daddy and I that night in the big king sized bed at the hotel. I just layed there in wonder as I gazed upon the precious face of my son... all the pain, fear, heartache, and sorrow of 37 years waiting for my child melted away... I was a Mommy to the most beautiful, sweet, precious baby boy in the world...

About 6 months after Nicholas had been home I was looking at our agency's web site. They have a place where it shows the pictures of their little miracles. I wanted to see if Nicholas' picture and info had been updated... it only had his picture with a number and said forever family found. As I looked at the picture(the first one on this post) it all came back to me.... During our adoption journey I would visit this site and look at the children to give me hope and encouragement... One time I saw this little boy and I fell instantly in love with him... I found myself asking, "Lord, why can't he be mine?!!!" I was so in love with this little guy and I wanted to be his Mommy. Then I realized I was coveting someone else's child and I was ashamed. I must have blocked it out... but as I looked at this picture of my son it all came flooding back..... it was him.... it was the sweet face I had gazed upon months and months ago and was so in love with. He was the one I oh, so desperately wanted to be mine.... It turns out I wasn't coveting someone elses child at all.... I was looking at the face of mine...

God's sweet PROVIDENCE...

I love you Meeshka... You are my hero, you are my miracle, you are my son...