The valley is filled with the Beauty of GOD...

A couple of months ago our pastor was teaching in 1 Corinthians 12 about the gifts of the Spirit...
⁴ There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. ⁵ There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. ⁶ And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all.  ⁷ But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: ⁸ for to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, ⁹ to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by the same^[a] Spirit, ¹⁰ to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. ¹¹ But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills.
I have read this, studied this, I don't know how many times, yet somehow had missed that FAITH is a gift of the Spirit... the Bible tells us that each one has been given a "measure of faith"... but beyond that it is the gift of the Spirit... it is a RADICAL, EXTREME, SOLD OUT FAITH in God!  Well, that is what I want!!!  I have always desired to grow in my faith in God.... but He brought me to a place where my heart's desire, my soul's desire is to have the gift of faith from the Holy Spirit.  I want a radical, extreme faith because my God is a radical, extreme, All Mighty,  God!!!  He is worthy and He is faithful!  Our pastor did warn that if you asked the Lord for this gift He would give it to you.... but know, that He will take you to places that you have never gone before...
He was right!  Ask Him!  God will rock your world!  He will take you to a place you have never gone before and it will be scary, it will hurt, it will break you to the point that all you can do is hold on to God for dear life and you will know God in a way like you have never known Him before.... and it is beautiful..... there are no words... He is oh, so good and oh, so worthy of us believing in Him with a radical, all consuming, extreme faith! 
Join me as I share God's story of answering my prayer and giving me the gift of faith... Thank You Jesus... You simply cannot be less than You are... You are faithful...

Saturday, 10/9/2010

The day the bottom dropped out....

I woke up after a few hours of sleep... disoriented... for a moment not understanding where I was, then it came flooding in, threatening to sweep me away with the sheer force of reality.  My husband was in the ICU Burn Unit.  He was on a life support system and he was fighting for his life.  
Visiting hour began.  I walked through the unit, praying and grieving for each patient, in each room.  I gowned up and went in to see my Jeremy....  He was in and out of consciousness.  He would talk to me by spelling words on to the back of  my hand.  He spelled "Bible"  I asked him if he wanted his little Bible that he had in his bag from work.  He gently nodded yes.  I had put it in my purse that morning.  I placed it under his hand.  Immediately his fingers wrapped around the edges, his palm rested upon it, his body seemed to visibly relax.  I knew he couldn't see to read it as they would not allow him to have his contacts in... but just holding on to the Word of God gave him comfort, it was evident.
After our time was up I saw his Pulmonary doctor.  I could see the concern in his eyes.  The scope that morning had revealed the membranes were already sloughing off.  I said with relief that we made it through the first 24 hours!  We were half way through the 48 hours he had given Jeremy to make it through.  He then informed me that the 48 hour marker had been moved to days....  I asked him if he was going to allow the surgery today for the burn surgeon to go in and scrub Jeremy's burns as well as graft them with pig and cadaver skin.  He told me, "Yes, his lungs may not be strong enough to have surgery tomorrow.  It needs to be done today." 
I was stunned......  I needed to understand.... to try to really grasp what was happening to my husband, to our family.  I sat down outside his room and told his nurse what the doctor said.  I then started asking her questions.  "Are his lungs still clear of fluid?"  
"Do you mean does he not have pneumonia?"  "yes."
"No, he doesn't have pneumonia, but he is going to get it!  Lying here, with  a respirator, on this floor.... He is going to get pneumonia!"  Another blow!  She went on to say that it was normal for the patients in this unit.  I told her thank you for telling me.  I need to know what is going on so I can deal with it and then press on.  She began again... "It's going to get bad!  His lungs aren't always going to be this good.  He is going to have some really bad days.  It will get worse and then better and worse again!"
(WOW!  His lungs are not always going to be this good!  This is GOOD I thought!  The man is on a ventilator.  A machine is breathing for him and he is fighting for his life.  This is good!  It is going to get worse!)  "So, we're going to be here longer than a week?"  (I had asked the nurse the night before if she thought we would be here through next week... just trying to grasp the situation.... after all, everyone had kept telling me that my husband was "ok".  She had told me yes.)  This nurse said, "Yes.  He is going to be here a while."  "So it could be weeks?"  Her reply, "Months!  He is going to be here for months."

The bottom dropped out! 

Tears began to flow.....  I looked at my husband through the glass walls, watching  this foreign machine breathing for him... artificially breathing air into his lungs.... my heart broke.... my God whispered to me, "It's My breath going into  his lungs."

I walked through the corridors, tears streaming down my cheeks.  Out of the hospital door, into the "real" world, sunlight shining bright as if all was right in the world... walking in a trance like state brought on by a grief so deep I felt like I was drowning in it's grasp I made it to my car.  I pushed #3 on my phone.   My Robin answered, I broke down......  I can't remember too much... I remember driving a block to the hotel Jeremy's work put me in.  I remember sobbing.  I remember feeling very angry and like my world was completely and utterly out of control..... I told her everything.  The 48 hour thresh-hold had been extended to days!  Surgery today, doctor was concerned his lungs would not be strong enough for surgery tomorrow.  Nurse said he was going to get pneumonia!  His lungs were not going to always be this good!  They were going to get BAD!  He would be there for months!  

She listened... 

I remember I kept telling her, "thank you!"  She kept asking, "for what?!!!"  For listening!  For not trying to make it ok because you can't!  For just being there for me and for listening!  It was such a gift.  She didn't try to make it all better.... it was bigger than that.  She cried with me and told me she was praying.... that Jesus was going to get us through this.... and in my heart of hearts, in my spirit, I knew it was a true story.... but for that moment, the bottom had dropped out of my world and I was grieving.  Weak and broken I silently walked through the lobby to my room... tears still falling...

I walked into my room.  As I set my purse down I heard a song coming through the television.  

"It's going to be a long road... but I'm with you every step of the way.... it's going to be ok!"  

It was a Christian song that I had heard before.  The words were like a soothing balm to my soul..... it was like Jesus had reached down from Heaven and taken me into His loving arms.... holding me up when I was too weak to stand... when I had entered the room the night before for the first time,  there was soft jazz playing on the tv.  It was late into the night and I couldn't bare the silence of being alone in the room so I left it on.  When I left that morning I left it on... I didn't think about it, it was on when I came in so I just never touched it.... when I heard this song, I remember thinking.... they don't play Christian music on soft jazz stations... my head turned and the tv read, "Contemporary Christian".... it was this sweet, gift from God..... I was broken, I was alone, I felt completely cut off from everyone and God reached down and held me in His arms.... telling me everything was going to be ok... He was going to get Jeremy through this!  There was such a sweetness in this gift from the Lord that I truly cannot describe with words... He had my husband, He had my children and He had me...  

I had seen the housekeepers a few doors down the hall.  I rushed out to tell them thank you for changing the channel.... to share with them how the Lord had blessed me, had ministered to me through them.... to somehow express to them how they had touched my life with what they had done to serve the Lord.  I thought they must have seen my Bible lying on the bedside table and that God had used that to lead them to change the station.... (I later realized that my Bible was in my purse.... It was all Holy Spirit's leading.)

I came out my door sobbing..... (this time tears of joy and gratitude.)  "Did you change my tv to play Christian music?" I asked the ladies.  These two precious Latino ladies, minding their business, cleaning the rooms.... here comes this crazy woman, sobbing, wanting to know if they had changed my tv chanel to a Christian station.... with eyes wide the one lady answered, "Si."  She started to scurry as if she thought she was in big trouble and was rushing to change it back.  I said, "No, No!  Gracious,  Gracious!  Thank you so much.  My husband is in ICU and they told me today that ........ I gave this poor woman the quick run down of our shattered world.  Then I went on to tell her how I was so sad and here alone and then I walked into my room and it was a message from the Lord.  That He had used her to minister to me in a way that she will never know how thankful I am for her!  The other lady did not speak any English and kept making gestures as if to ask, "What?  What?"  The one housekeeper asked for my husband's name so they coulg pray for him.  She wrote it down.  Mean while two more housekeepers stepped out of a room a few doors down and started asking the ladies what room they were on?  They were getting upset that they had not gotten further.  I started telling them, "No, No!  Don't be upset with them!  They are doing an amazing job!  They are doing more than their job, they are also doing God's work!"  I then started sobbing again.  One of the new ladies came to me and took me in her arms.  She asked what was wrong and  the story came rushing out! Where Jeremy was, what they had told me at the hospital today, how I was all by myself and how the Lord had ministered to me through these beautiful, precious ladies!  Standing in the hall on the 3rd floor of the Double Tree Hotel... she held a sobbing woman in her arms and began to pray.... lifting Jeremy up to our Father.  Lifting me up to our God.  Praising our Lord for His healing and His will......  We five ladies, standing before the throne of God.... it was beautiful......  I was not alone.  Jesus had sent me sisters to hold me in their arms.  I know I had many sisters praying for us who were not able to physically be there.  One of them is Robin... who was so upset that I was there by myself and that she was in Missouri... she was praying for many things for us, one of them was for me to not be alone...  God answered....

I walked back into my room.... really in awe at just how sweet our God is... so thoughtful, so caring, so loving....  This is difficult to explain.... to be honest it is not natural... I truly believe it was supernatural... it was of God... He had Jeremy, myself and our kids in this kind of a time warp bubble.... I would wake up around 5 or 6 in the morning and it would feel like maybe a few hours had passed, like maybe it was around 11 in the morning and it would be 11 at night or later.... it was all a blur and the time went so fast as I just sat there in the hospital, it just doesn't make any sense but I am so thankful!  Well, when I went back into the room I was in that "time bubble" it only felt like moments.... I don't remember hearing the whole songs.... I just remember hearing a line of a song and with a smile turning to the tv to read the title and it would be "The Healing Hand of God"  I think the next one was, "Healing Rain".... it just made my heart smile.  It was like the Lord was speaking to me.   I don't remember standing there listening to the songs.... I just remember hearing His voice through reading their titles....

Then a song began... it was a song that I had heard before.... but I had never really listened to the words...  the bottom had dropped out of our whole world... my husband lie in ICU,  fighting for his life, I was broken and had no strength left of my own....  

Jesus met us where we were... He was there with us....  

This song gave voice to what my soul was singing.... the words were my heart's cry... I stood between the two double beds.... hands raised in praise to my God.  Tears of joy streaming down my face.    Singing to my Jesus on behalf of my husband and myself the words of this song....  He had allowed me to go to the deepest depth of the valley in order to bring me to this place, and it was beautiful... He is beautiful...

this was our song to our God... and I sang it to Him with all my mind, my heart and my soul.... 

Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?
sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You'll never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You

 The valley is filled with the beauty of God my friends... It is one of the most difficult and heart wrenching journeys one can make.  But if that is where the Lord allows you to go, take heart... You do not go there alone.  He is with you.  He takes your hand and leads you each step of the way... deeper and deeper into the lowest part of the valley... a place where you feel as if you cannot take another step, you cannot find air to fill your lungs with the next breath... it is a place of brokenness, a place of heartbreak, a place where you simply cannot continue on your own... it is a place of complete surrender as you cry out to Jesus and you find Him there... He reminds you that He was there all the time.... holding you when you didn't have the strength to stand. 

It is a place where if you allow the Lord to open your eyes, you will discover that you are surrounded with the presence of God and there is  a sweetness to this intimacy with Him like you have never known.  He has you tucked safely under the shadow of His wing...

I experienced a part of Him that I have never experienced before and it was beautiful... He is beautiful and I am blessed among the blessed that God allowed me to journey into this valley.... It was one of the most difficult and the most precious journeys of my life.

Thank You Jesus for taking me there... for bringing me to a place where I was able to cry out to you... 

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You

I want to add that when the song was over I also told the Lord that if He wanted the waters to subside, that that was ok with me too...  heehee

Guess what.... the next morning.... the waters started subsiding....

Thank You Jesus for Your grace, Your mercy and for answered prayers.... You are oh, so good to us...

Thank you to each of you who has faithfully interceded for our family.  For each prayer lifting us up before God.  You will never know how the Lord blessed us with your gifts and how He honored and answered your prayers....

I pray God blesses you as you have blessed us...

Thank you