Have Thine Own Way Lord....

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19
This post is mostly going to be me rambling about what is going on in my heart, my mind and my spirit... I hope that if anyone does read it, that they will be ministered to and lifted up in the love of Christ Jesus.

Almost 2 years ago Jeremy was a part of a mission team from our church to go to Peru.  God did amazing things on that trip for the people that they ministered to and shared the Gospel with.  Almost a year ago planning for the next mission trip to Peru began and I felt God leading me to go............... I am not proud of this admission.... but the truth is that I have been wrestling with God over being a part of the mission team to Peru.  The strangest part of it is that He has given me such a heart for missions... for sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ, with those who have not yet received Him as their Lord and Savior and to lift up in the love my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus and to minister to the orphans, the broken and the hurting... 
He actually has been moving our family in the direction of one day serving Him full time in the mission field...
I am a very passionate and emotional person... The Lord has given me a burden in my heart for the people's of Russia, China, Haiti and the continent of Africa.... the love I feel for these people in particular is bigger than I, it is truly from God.  He has caused me to love these people so much that it hurts not being there.... ministering to them in the Name of the Lord by His Spirit....
and yet, He has called me to minister to the people of Peru..... I had longed to minister to the street children in Lima... to tell them of how Jesus loves them, that He has not forsaken them, that they matter, that He has a plan for them..... I had tried to contact a lady that rescues children who have been sold into slavery, but I did not hear back from her..... I had hoped to go to one or more of the local orphanages and love on the precious children and tell them how Jesus loves them.... these things I felt passionate about.... yet, they are not part of the itinerary that Jesus has planned for us over the two weeks we will be there.... My friend and I  will be teaching at a Women's Conference in Pucallpa and for the ladies in Lima.  We will have an opportunity to minister to some of the children that different pastors with Calvary Chapel have programs for to feed them and give them a safe place to stay when their parents are working all day.  We will be doing work on some of the churches.  The men will be going to the men's prison in Lima to minister to the inmates.   The two of us ladies will be going to the women's prison in Lima to minister to the ladies.  (this I am very excited about... I believe the Lord is going to do something miraculous in someones life.... I believe ladies are going to come to Christ.)  Please pray for our teams protection as there are no cells and the prisoners run the prison... the only guards watch from the prison walls looking out, to make certain no one escapes.
I pray the Lord opens many doors of opportunities to share His gift of salvation with the lost.  Jeremy is taking over 6,000 gospel tracts in Spanish and he and I plan on hitting the streets and passing them out to people, every free moment we have.  We don't speak Spanish and we won't have an interpreter during any free time but we can give them a tract that tells them in Spanish that- For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.  John 3:16-17 and tells them how to receive Christ Jesus as their Savior.
We know how to say, "Jesus te ama." (Jesus loves you) and we know how to pray!
As I said, I have been wrestling with God about going on this mission trip.... it is an act of obedience for me because as much as I want to serve Him, to share His truth and His love with others.... I am torn.... it is very difficult for me to leave my children for 2 weeks.  They will be staying with our dear friends and their son. Nicholas is very excited to spend the time with his friend.   Peep is doing quite well so far and is excited as well..... we had them spend the night a few weeks ago to let Hannah see how it was to "sleep over" at someones house.  She did great!  "Thank You Jesus!"  She was placed in my arms on her 10 month birthday and has been with me every day and every night since... except for a few times when she stayed at home with Daddy while I went to the store.  Other than that, the only time she has been away from both of us has been twice over the last couple of months for a couple of hours when I had a doctors appointment and a ladies evening at church.  She has always had separation anxiety but I can definitely see the Lord working it all out for her, preparing her for these two weeks.... although I admit, Mommy is struggling too with separation anxiety too!
But, I will trust my Lord!  He is going to watch over my babies!  Including my youngest waiting in an orphanage in China.  Which is yet another thing I have wrestled with God about me going on this mission trip.  Although He has provided for us to go and serve Him.... my mother's heart is crying out for my daughter Isabella.... that will be two weeks when I can't be sewing, and beading bracelets, trying to raise the funds to bring her home....
Then He speaks to my mind, to my heart, and to my spirit....
"Be still and know that I am God..."
Jesus spoke the world into existence..... He  can provide to bring our daughter home, as well as Jeremy and I to serve Him in  Peru.  Oh, Lord Jesus, forgive me when I doubt.... Lord I believe, help my unbelief!  He is able and He is faithful!  He will provide to bring our Isabella Faith home to us.........
The spiritual warfare has been heavy.... the closer we come to leaving, the more the enemy bombards us with his garbage.... Last Friday the engine blew a rod in our mini-van and now we need a new engine.  My little 97 Ford Windstar named Esther sits at the side of the house.... waiting for an engine so she can once again take us to where we need to go. lol  Then our refrigerator needed repaired....  At first I knew that this was spiritual warfare... but then once again I started doubting that I am supposed to go...  I called our Pastor and he shared that God does not retract His callings.  That this is just the enemy trying to keep me from going.  Then he prayed for us...
WELL!  That was it!  All of this "stuff" the defeated one has been throwing at us is just confirmation that I am supposed to go and by His grace, Jesus is going to use me in a mighty way!  Soooooo, I say, Have Thine Own Way Lord.... Have Thine Own Way....
Use me Lord..... Fill me up and pour me out.......... Open the door for me to share the knowledge of the gift of Your salvation with those that don't know You..... let me share Your love with the hurting... may I be a reflection of You Jesus.... may I be Your hands and feet.... give me Your words to share with those that You have made Divine appointments with.  Forgive me Father for wrestling with You over this trip.... forgive me for when I worry and doubt that  You have it all worked out to watch over my children and bring my daughter home.  And so my Jesus, I say, thank You.... thank You for choosing me, for allowing me to be a part of this mission...... Use me Lord...
May I be sensitive to Holy Spirit's leading..... when You ask me to do something, I say to You... "Yes, Lord."

The team is driving to Atlanta on Sunday after church.  We fly to Peru on Monday.  Please pray that Jesus is preparing the hearts and minds of the people we will meet to come to know Him as their Lord and Savior, that they will be born again..... That our brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus will be lifted up in His love... and for the teams safety and God's traveling mercies...
and please keep my children in your prayers too.... that they will be safe... that little Peep won't be anxious, sad or scared... and that the Lord will provide the money to pay the adoption fees and the trip to China to bring our Isabella home....


If anyone has actually read this entire post, I am touched.  Sorry to ramble on and on... I am just trying to journal some of what is going on and pray that God gets all the glory.
God's speed to the Lord's plan for your life....